MAR. 17/ Ep.4/ The Secret to Deep, Restorative Sleep (and Why It Matters)
Do you ever crawl into bed exhausted, only to toss and turn for hours? Or maybe you fall asleep easily but wake up feeling just as drained as the night before. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—so many women juggle demanding schedules, family responsibilities, and stress, all of which take a toll on sleep. But here’s the good news: small, intentional changes can transform your sleep and, in turn, your health and energy levels.
In this post, we’ll explore simple yet powerful strategies to help you fall asleep faster, stay asleep longer, and wake up feeling refreshed—because you deserve to feel your best every day.
If you had asked me a few years ago what I thought the foundations of health were, I would have likely said regular physical activity and healthy eating. While I still think those are important things, now I would say the foundation of health is restorative sleep. In fact, I think if your sleep is not good, you should make it your #1 priority to resolve before making a plan to hit the gym, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, or anything else for that matter. Sleep comes first.
What happens during sleep anyway? Aren’t I just resting?
There are so many things that happen to our bodies and our brains while we sleep that are absolutely critical to our health and well-being. It’s not just a time to rest, it literally helps us regenerate our bodies and brains. Do you want to show up as your best self at work, as a parent, as a spouse or partner? Do you want to get rid of brain fog, have a better memory and be able to learn more quickly and easily? Then you need good sleep. And I don’t mean the kind of sleep where you lay awake for hours at night or you wake up not feeling rested. I mean the kind of sleep where you get between 7-8 hours with the appropriate amounts of light, deep and REM sleep, and you wake up feeling ready to go. Or at least it doesn’t take you too long after waking up to get there.
So what happens during sleep that’s so great for you?
Growth hormone is released, aiding tissue repair and muscle recovery. So if you have an injury you need to recover from or you did a weight bearing workout or intense exercise and you have sore muscles, you need sleep to recover from those things. Growth hormone is released particularly during the first few hours of sleep, which is generally when you’re in the deep sleep stage.
The body produces and releases cytokines, which help fight infections and inflammation. That’s why you need more sleep when you’re sick with something like cold or flu, it’s because your body needs to create more cytokines to fight off the illness.
The glymphatic system, which is a waste clearance system in the brain, is most active during sleep. It plays an important role in clearing toxins, including beta-amyloid, which is linked to Alzheimer's disease.
Your blood pressure drops, allowing the heart and blood vessels to rest and recover. Remember, your heart never stops pumping blood, it needs some time to slow down and recover.
Sleep is when your brain does maintenance. It strengthens neural connections, helping to store and organize memories and catalog learned information, improving your ability to recall important information when you’re awake.
The amygdala which is the part of the brain responsible for emotions, processes your experiences, helping to regulate mood and reduce stress. Levels of serotonin and dopamine, which are the neurotransmitters that make us feel happy and satisfied, are balanced, improving mood, focus and mental clarity.
When it comes to sleep, what’s in it for me?
If you are consistently getting quality sleep, you will be less stressed out and irritable, you’ll have better memory and concentration, a stronger immune system (less sick days at work), a decreased risk for heart disease which is the #1 killer of women in the US, a decreased risk for obesity and diabetes, and more balanced hormones which positively impact metabolism, appetite and mood.
I was always a great sleeper until I started having children. What naturally occurs as a mom is you start to sleep lighter because your brain is waiting to hear the baby whimper or cry because she needs to eat or get a diaper changed. And all the hormone fluctuations also impact sleep. I had my first child at 27 and after having 3 babies, I was about 36 years old before all my children were old enough to sleep well through the night. That’s 9 years of my sleep patterns being a roller coaster, like one of those roller coasters that goes forwards and backwards!
So when my youngest child was 2, did I just all of a sudden start sleeping like I did when I was 25 years old? No, I didn’t. I had to learn to prioritize sleep and put some research and effort into making sure I was maximizing that important part of my life. Over time I learned some strategies and some supplements that have really helped me improve the quality of my sleep, thus the quality of my waking hours.
I remember almost every day like clockwork between 2 and 3 PM I bottomed out on energy and reached for a cup of coffee or a snack (M&Ms anyone?) to help me get through the afternoon. I don't have to do that anymore. I’m not going to lie, I’m a morning person and my energy gradually wanes throughout the day and the afternoons are not when my brain is at its best. That’s just the nature of my personal circadian rhythm. But I also don’t feel like taking a nap at my desk anymore, and I can make it through the day with what seems like much less effort.
So how did I improve my sleep, and how do I continue to improve it as time goes on?
#1 Your beliefs about sleep and how you talk to yourself about it are important.
What are your beliefs about sleep? Are you one of those people who says I’ll sleep when I die? Or do you say that none of the women in your family sleep well and you inherited that problem so there’s nothing you can do about it? Do you think sleep is a waste of time and you’d rather stay up late watching Netflix? Do you believe sleep is important and try to prioritize it, but when you have nights when you sleep poorly, that’s what you focus on?
The truth is that what we believe about sleep and how we talk to ourselves about it, is just as important as anything else. So first thing, if you aren’t right now, prioritize sleep. You have to believe it’s important or your brain and body won’t follow suit.
When you’ve decided to believe that sleep is important or if you already do, ask yourself how you talk to yourself or others about sleep. Are you constantly chatting about how badly you sleep? Do you replay the stories of other women in your family who have struggled with insomnia and say it’s your destiny to be the same? Do you say things like “I’m a person who doesn’t sleep.” If the answer to any of those is yes, you need to come up with a new narrative. That doesn’t mean lie to yourself and say “I sleep great, I get 8 hours of sleep every night.” Start with some softer statements that can slowly shift your energy in a positive direction. “I haven’t slept well in the past, but I’m learning how to sleep better.” “I’m learning to trust my brain and body to help me get the amount of quality sleep that’s right for me.” “I prioritize sleep because it’s important for my health.”
This isn’t always easy. If I have a night where I tossed and turned and didn’t get what I would consider optimal sleep, it's very tempting for me to have that be the first thing I talk about to my husband when he wakes up and asks me how I am. I’ll say something like “well i could have slept better.” When instead I could say something like “I got the best sleep that I could last night” or I could just not say anything about it at all. It’s human nature to want to point out the negative or identify things that could be improved. But that just keeps us stuck in the same energy, when what we really need is an energy shift that will serve us better.
# 2 Create a calming evening routine or ritual that will signal to your brain and body that it's time to slow down and prepare for sleep.
Humans are creatures of habit, and our brains and bodies learn to expect things from us that we do all the time. So if you never do the same thing twice when it comes to an evening routine, or you’re running 100 MPH in all directions right up until you decide to go to bed, your brain and body are not going to comply.
Let me give you an example of my evening routine, and I try to stick to this as many nights as I possibly can. In fact I plan my evenings around this. My rule is that I’m done working at 7 PM. And by working that could be actual work for my full-time job, health coaching, cooking dinner, cleaning, or doing anything else that’s physically or mentally stimulating. At 7 PM I put on my pajamas or something super comfortable, I wash my face, brush my teeth and then do something non-stimulating until I go to bed which is usually between 8:45-9 PM. (You might think that’s early, but I get up at 5 AM every day). What do I consider non-stimulating? Soaking in the bathtub with some Epsom salt, reading a good book, playing Solitaire, watching a show on TV (nothing that’s going to stress me out, like the news or a suspenseful movie), or quietly cuddling with my kids and dogs. In the summer it might be sitting in my sunroom listening to the noises of nature and watching daylight fade.
I have three kids and you know what’s not calming? Shuffling them along like sheep to make sure they get ready for bed, especially when they don’t want to. They use every excuse in the book and take forever to brush their teeth, go to the bathroom, and it’s very stressful on this momma. So what do I do? Part of my routine is to make sure my kids are 100% ready for bed before I’m ready to turn the light out. I make sure they have pajamas on and teeth brushed well before my bedtime, so I’m not rushing them around at 9 PM when my body is screaming to me that it’s time to go to sleep. That stresses me out and can cause me to take longer to fall asleep.
Around 7-7:30 PM I also take two supplements: Magnesium with L-Theanine and 5-HTP. Magnesium is critical for many functions of the brain and body, but it especially helps with falling asleep because it relaxes the muscles. L-Theanine has a calming effect, it’s primarily found in green and black tea and some mushrooms, but I take it in supplement form. And 5-HTP indirectly raises serotonin levels in the brain, which help you relax. So the magnesium with L-Theanine helps my body relax, and the 5-HTP helps my brain relax. With this routine, when I go to bed, 95% of the time I fall asleep within 15-20 minutes and drop into a quick light sleep then directly into deep sleep (according to my sleep stats from FitBit).
Can I do this all the time? No. Some nights I might have to be working on my computer until 8 PM. For example the day I’m writing this blog, my daughter is acting in a school play that starts at 7 PM and I probably won’t even get home until 9 PM which is usually when I’m falling asleep. What do I do those nights? The best I can. I’ll take my supplements when I can take them, throw on my pajamas and give myself a bit of wind down time, and go to bed when I feel sleepy and ready. That might be right away, that might be an hour later. The point is not to mentally fuss about it but just say to yourself “I’m out of my routine tonight, but I’m going to get the best sleep I possibly can.”
#3 Optimize your sleep hygiene.
I know I know, we’ve all heard about sleep hygiene. So you’ve heard about it ~ but do you actually practice it? The first part of sleep hygiene is going to bed at the same time every night and waking up at the same time every morning, even on weekends or vacations, to regulate your body’s circadian rhythm. If you go to bed at a different time every night, even a 30 minute or 1 hour shift in schedule makes a big deal, it confuses your body. My family makes fun of me when I can’t stay up late on a Friday or Saturday night to watch a movie, or everyone’s still up but I’m hitting the sack. I just let it slide because I know I’m prioritizing my well being.
Second, get bright light in your eyes as soon as you can after waking up. If you’re blessed to be able to sleep later in the morning (say 7 or 8 AM) and you live somewhere sunny, step outside and get sunlight in your eyes as soon as you can, for at least 15 minutes. This will tell your body it’s daytime and help set your circadian rhythm for the day, and believe it or not, will actually help you fall asleep and stay asleep better later. Getting sunlight throughout the day is good too, until it gets dark at night. When the sun starts to go down in the evening, so should the bright lights in your house.
I live in Western NY state so for many months of the year it’s dark until 7-7:30 AM, so getting direct sunlight in my eyes shortly after I wake up is impossible. So I purchased a light therapy lamp from Amazon and I put it in my workout area. I work out every morning around 5:30 AM so while I’m using the elliptical or doing my weight training, I’m getting that super bright light in my eyes for around 30 minutes. If you don’t work out in the morning, stick the light therapy lamp on a desk or your dining room table and sit in front of it while you drink coffee and check your emails or social media. 15 minutes is all it takes. This not only helps with sleep, but it may also assist with improving seasonal depression.
Third, limit blue light at least 60 minutes before bedtime. Why? It directly inhibits your body from making the hormone melatonin, which is what signals to your body it’s time to sleep. If you love to play relaxing games on your phone or tablet or watch Netflix on your TV right up until bedtime, that’s fine. Just make sure you wear blue light blocking glasses. You can buy them on Amazon or if you wear glasses regularly to improve your eyesight, make sure the lenses in your glasses have blue light blocking technology in them.
Fourth, your bedroom environment should be optimized for sleep. Ideally your bedroom is a very calm place that can get very dark and very quiet when it’s time to go to bed. When I go to bed, the blinds are closed, the dogs and kids are kicked out and the door closed tightly, I turn on some green noise to block out any noise from those in my household who are still awake, and I put in earplugs for good measure. I make sure I have on very light pajamas, especially in the summer, so I don’t wake up overheated. Your bed should also be conducive to sleep. If you have an old mattress that isn’t comfortable, or your bed isn’t big enough and every time the person you sleep with moves it wakes you up, that’s no good. If you can afford it, be sure to buy the right mattress for your comfort and the right size for how many people (and dogs and cats) sleep in your bed at night.
#5 Support your sleep with good nutrition.
What are some of the biggest mistakes we can make when it comes to nutrition and sleep? First is consuming caffeine in any form too late in the day. My general rule of thumb is no caffeinated beverages after 12 PM, unless I know it’s a day where I’m going to have to stay up late (rock concert, anyone?). These beverages can include coffee, tea (even green tea can have caffeine, need to check the label), energy drinks, sodas, and the like. It can take the body up to 10 hours to metabolize caffeine, which is why you should restrict it to so early in the day. Also avoid alcohol if at all possible. Even though it’s not a stimulant, it can negatively impact your sleep because it may help you calm your nervous system at first, but then it creates a rebound effect which makes you wake up after you’ve fallen asleep. That’s annoying. If I’m going to enjoy a glass of wine, I enjoy it several hours before bed, and if I can’t, I avoid it altogether.
Herbal Teas that promote relaxation can help some people if they drink them before bed, such as chamomile, valerian root or passionflower tea. I, on the other hand, find that if I drink any liquids within 2-3 hours of going to bed, that I usually wake up in the middle of the night with a full bladder and I have to get out of bed. If that’s not an issue for you, then drink the tea! I’m jealous.
Talk to your doctor about Melatonin, Magnesium, L-Theanine, 5-HTP or other supplements that can promote muscle and brain relaxation.
Don’t eat anything within 2-3 hours of going to bed. Digestion produces heat and energy in the body, and heat and energy are the exact opposite of what we need to be able to fall asleep. To fall asleep we need relaxation and a gradual cooling of the body. If you have to eat something because you’re really hungry and you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep because of the hunger, eat something with a lot of protein or fat but not much carbohydrates. For example some nuts, some cheese, some peanut butter or almond butter without added sugar. This will satiate your hunger without increasing your blood sugar significantly, and too much blood sugar at bedtime is not conducive to sleep.
#6 Turn your brain down a few notches.
Do you have a wind down routine and try to do all the right things, but you have trouble sleeping because you can’t turn your mind off? You keep replaying scenarios over and over in your head, whether they are stressful events from today or from 10 years ago. You need some strategies to calm the mind and distract yourself so you can fall asleep.
One strategy to calm the mind is to try breathing techniques. And I don’t mean try it once and it doesn’t work so never try it again. Try it consistently, make it a routine and see what happens. When you sit in your bed before you lay down to try to go to sleep, use the 4-7-8 breathing technique. Make sure you are sitting or lying down the first few times you try it, as it may make you lightheaded. Breathe in gently for 4 seconds (not a gasp of air, but gently, like you would normally breathe), then hold that breath for 7 seconds, then breath out for 8 seconds with enough force to empty all the air out of your lungs. Then repeat that 2 or 3 times, and you can repeat it more times as you practice it and get better at it. This calms the brain because the out breath (exhale) is longer than the in breath (inhale).
If you can’t turn your mind off from thinking about the events of the day or what you need to do tomorrow, try a distraction technique that will take your mind off whatever is bothering you. One idea is a gratitude practice. For example, my routine every night after I close my eyes is to think about at least 3 things from today I’m grateful for. They could be big things, little things, silly things, it doesn’t matter. Some days you may only be able to think of 3 things, but other nights the first 3 things will build momentum and before you know it, you’ve listed 10 things you’re grateful for. What an incredible way to fall asleep.
A second distraction strategy is Cognitive Shuffling, which is a mental technique designed to help people fall asleep by intentionally thinking about random, neutral images or words, essentially distracting the mind from racing thoughts or worries. You can read more about cognitive shuffling here: https://bayareacbtcenter.com/cognitive-shuffling-method/.
Another strategy is journaling before bed. This isn't a distraction, but it can help get your racing thoughts out of your body so you can fall asleep more easily. If something happened during the day that you keep replaying in your head, grab a piece of paper and a pencil and write about it. Then, if you’d like, pray that the issue will start being resolved while you’re sleeping peacefully, so when you wake up the next day it will have already shifted in a more positive direction.
#7 Address any underlying health issues.
If you snore really badly or find that you wake up often because you’ve stopped breathing, you need to see your doctor and have a sleep study to check for sleep apnea. Sleep apnea is a serious issue because it’s impacting your sleep and we’ve already talked about how important sleep is for overall health, but the lack of oxygen can also have a negative impact on your heart health. Don’t forget, heart disease is the leading cause of death for women in the United States. You need to keep your ticker top-notch if you want to live long and prosper. If you have sleep apnea, it might not be a forever issue. For some people, losing weight and getting diabetes in check can help sleep apnea dramatically. For others, it may be a type of structural issue. Your doctor can help you figure out what’s causing it.
Get your hormones checked. Hormones are strongly linked to sleep, so sleep can be impacted by things like your menstrual cycle, perimenopause and menopause. If you are over the age of 35 and you’re suddenly experiencing sleep disturbances but you follow all the guidance I’ve listed above, please see your doctor to get your hormone levels checked. Your doctor can help you with strategies like hormone replacement therapy that can help improve your sleep and other areas of your life and health. If you’re also experiencing symptoms like waking up drenched in sweat or having hot flashes during the night, see your doctor with priority to discuss hormone imbalances.
You might be wondering, Why do I feel exhausted even after getting 7-8 hours of sleep each night?
My answer is it’s not the quantity of sleep that’s the issue, it’s the quality of your sleep. There are multiple phases or stages of sleep that our brains and bodies go through each night, and we need adequate amounts of each to get the true regeneration and refreshment that we need. Those stages are light sleep, deep sleep and REM sleep. Light sleep is what happens right after you fall asleep, it may even feel like being in a state that’s between being awake and asleep. Your heart rate and breathing slow down, your body relaxes and your body temperature starts to drop. It’s very easy to be awakened during this stage of sleep by noises or lights, so that’s why I close my bedroom door, turn on green noise and use earplugs.
Deep sleep is what happens after your initial stage of light sleep. For me, I usually fall into light sleep for about 15 minutes and then I fall into deep sleep for anywhere from an hour to 90 minutes. In deep sleep your brain waves are slow but strong. During this time your body repairs injuries and reinforces your immune system. You need enough of this type of sleep to wake up feeling rested, without it, you wake up feeling tired and drained even if you slept for a long time. This is the stage of sleep during which if you wake someone, they will be in a state of mental confusion or fog and not be very responsive.
The third stage of sleep is REM or Rapid Eye Movement, which is when most of your dreams occur. Its name comes from how your eyes move behind your eyelids while you’re dreaming. During REM, your brain activity looks very much like when you’re awake. Its benefits are processing and storing new memories, improving recall and learning, emotional regulation which helps reduce stress and anxiety, and it may stimulate enhanced problem-solving abilities.
These different phases of sleep typically cycle multiple times throughout the night, with the deepest sleep occurring early in the sleep cycle and REM sleep becoming more prominent later. That rings true if you find that you often wake up in the morning just having had a dream.
If you’re getting 7-8 hours of sleep each night but not waking up feeling rested, I recommend getting a wearable, for example something like a FitBit or Apple Watch, that tracks your sleep. It’s not perfect, but it will give you a good indication of if you’re hitting all these important stages of sleep, especially deep and REM. If you’re not, then you have the insight you need to take the next step.
If, like me, you’ve ever believed that nutrition and exercise are the foundations of good health, think again—quality sleep comes first!
Restorative sleep is essential for everything from memory and mood to heart health and immune function. It’s when your body repairs, your brain detoxifies, and your emotional well-being resets.
As women, especially moms, our sleep often suffers due to hormonal shifts, family responsibilities, and lifestyle demands. But the good news? You can take control and improve your sleep!
Here’s how:
✅ Shift your mindset – Believe that great sleep is possible and start speaking positively about it.
✅ Create a calming nighttime routine – Signal to your body that it’s time to unwind.
✅ Practice good sleep hygiene – Stick to a consistent schedule, limit blue light, and optimize your sleep environment.
✅ Support your body naturally – Consider supplements like magnesium and 5-HTP to aid relaxation.
Your sleep matters. When you prioritize it, you’ll feel more energized, focused, and resilient—ready to show up as your best self for your family, career, and life. Start small, be consistent, and give yourself grace. Better sleep is within reach!
If you’re ready to take your health to the next level and need support in making sustainable changes, I’d love to help. Let’s work together to create a wellness plan that prioritizes your sleep, so you can wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day. Go to my website www.coach-care.net to submit a form for a free consultation, and take the first step toward better sleep and health.
